Bye Baby, by Carola Lovering

Short Take: Fun & fast-moving, but also kind of ridiculous.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Duckies, it has been a LONG week, and it’s only Tuesday. A “hey, why don’t we rearrange the furniture in the den, and get rid of the broken chair?” quickie project turned into going through my bookshelves, dusting, organizing, and donating part of my collection. Do I need to tell any of you how draining that can be to someone like me?? Also I’ve been trying to get back on the “daily walks” train after some health stuff kept me down for a couple of months, and I am still the object at rest that wants to stay at rest.

A good book should help, right? Or at least, a book that doesn’t make too many demands on my worn-out brain. So let me introduce Bye, Baby…

Billie and Cassie have been the best of friends, closer than sisters really, since they were 12. Now 35, their lives have diverged somewhat: Although both of them are hashtag-thriving in the Big Apple, Billie is single and a luxury travel planner, jetting all over the world to check out first-class accommodations for her clients. And Cassie has married old-money (old MEGA money actually) Grant Adler, started her own boutique, and has a beautiful four-month-old daughter, Ella.

Not all childhood friendships survive adulthood, even when the friends in question share a huge, dark secret. So when Billie sees that Cassie is drifting away into mom-friends and Instagram fame, she does the only sensible thing: she kidnaps Cassie’s baby.

Duckies, this book is so over the top insane that it almost circles back around to “oh yeah, that makes sense.”  I mean, OBVIOUSLY you don’t renew a friendship by stealing someone’s baby (!!!!). That’s like Besties 101 – you don’t borrow her stuff without asking, whether it’s that silky lavender top you also look great in, or that Coach bag, or oh yeah, HER CHILD. 

But the baby borrowing is almost the most minor bit of craziness here. First, Cassie’s social media obsession is hashtag-insufferable. She plans out every minute of her day not for what will make her happy, or bring joy to her family, but what will look best on the ‘gram. (And yes, I’m an old person who doesn’t even have an Instagram account, so maybe I’m just not getting the allure?) But then there’s also the big-money lifestyle she leads, where every item she eats/owns/wears/uses has a name and a price tag that is meant to impress other people who have the exact same priorities. 

It’s a weird kind of ouroboros, where the person and the image are the snake and the tail, and the constant need to be the absolute best at the things that matter least is maddening to read.

And then there’s Billie. Her story is tragic – a fatally ill mother, the worst kind of stepfather, limited means that create an almost Dickensian childhood. Her choice to not have kids, to enjoy her admittedly fantastic career and life in the city is treated as a 1950’s style aberration, where the neighbor moms in their high heels and pearls whisper over their perfectly trimmed hedges about Poor Sad Billie who will never know the Joys Of Motherhood. (of course, now it’s moms in their high-end athleisure whispering over oat-milk lattes, but the principle remains the same). Like…. Ok, boomers? 

Billie’s as fixated on Cassie as Cassie is on her hashtag-momboss life, even when Billie meets Alex – an adorable cop and perfect-boyfriend stereotype who moves the plot along in his bland, perfect-boyfriend way. Of course, being a kidnapper, having a policeman boyfriend might just wrinkle things up a bit, but hey, anything for your bestie, right?

So on the plus side, the story moves fast, and kept me hooked enough for a 24-hour binge read. But honestly, you guys, I just could not with these characters. There’s nothing about any of them that felt real or true at all. I mean, Cassie was deliberately as fake as they come, but Billie was also so ridiculous, so needy and obsessive and really kind of pathetic. She has a life that she built from scratch, a fulfilling career, a new but great so far boyfriend, and all she can do, all day every day, is sigh longingly while watching Cassie blather about eye cream on social media.

I wanted to shake her. And to flush Cassie’s phone down the toilet. They both just sucked. Still, I enjoyed Bye, Baby in the way you like a trashy reality show – you know it’s terrible and ridiculous, but somehow, that’s part of its charm. 

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a Kale Caesars, I’m intrigued by the idea.)

[Snack-Size Review] A Twisted Love Story, by Samantha Downing

What It’s About: Wes & Ivy are super in love, and to prove it, they frequently fight, break up, damage each other’s property, file the occasional false police report, and cover up a murder. Y’know, super romantic stuff.

A Word From The Nerd: I think every friend group has That Couple. The ones whose neverending drama is intoxicating (emphasis on the “toxic”) to them, and exhausting to everyone else. Wes & Ivy take it further than most real-life bad matches I’ve known, but for the most part, the insanity of it is the fun. But despite a buildup that felt like it was barreling toward some major climax, it just… fizzled. I’ve loved everything else I’ve read by Ms. Downing, but this one just didn’t do it for me.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and some truffles, hold the bite marks.)

One Of The Good Guys, by Araminta Hall

Short Take: Like ringing a doorbell with a sledgehammer.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Good morning, my beloved Nerdlings! Today’s a busy one, so I’m going to jump right in.

In One of the Good Guys, Cole (the titular Good Guy) is coming off a nasty divorce, and figuratively licking his wounds by working as a forest ranger in a tiny cliffside town in England. It’s there that he meets Leonora, a free-spirited artist who he is immediately attracted to. 

However, there’s also trouble brewing in the midst of their budding romance. Two young women, walking across England to bring awareness to violence against women, disappear from their tent. Of course Cole and Leonora find themselves smack dab in the middle of everything, and of course Everyone Has Secrets and OF COURSE there’s a Shocking Twist.

But also, not really.

Duckies, this is a very hard book to review, and I think that’s probably the author’s intention. We are told over and over and over and over (and over and over and over) the many, multiple, and myriad ways that women are abused and taken advantage of by men who assume that their wants are all that matters.

And I agree, I see it all too often. Women, by and large, are living an impossible dichotomy. According to whichever flavor of misogyny someone prefers, we have both taken over everything and feminized male spaces and claimed mens’ jobs and status and destroyed masculinity, while simultaneously being the smaller, weaker, dumber sex who spend all our time on frivolous, meaningless pursuits. We are meant to be powerless, while also being held responsible for the bad behavior of whatever man is in our proximity.

Frankly, it’s exhausting, and so is this book.

I’m genuinely not sure if the constant, repetitive Battle Of The Sexes being played out among our main characters and various social media and news groups is meant to make me think, or make me angry. Mostly, it just made me sad and tired. Because it’s nothing but the worst of both sides, and endless reminders of how little most people are willing to try to understand the other side. There are plenty of men out there with ill intentions, but there are also many who are just clueless or careless or have never been taught to think about the effect of their behavior on others. There are so many men who want to do better, but are afraid to have the conversation of how to start, because women are (rightfully) angry about all of it.

It’s a systemic, societal problem that has been going on for centuries. I don’t know if there’s a solution out there, but I don’t think that the kind of discourse in this book will help in any way. Ms. Hall brings up a lot of gray areas and drowns them in black and white rhetoric.

However, lest anyone think that I’m just reacting emotionally & irrationally to criticism (as we women do, of course), there are other problems with this book. For one thing, the big reveal was entirely too easy to figure out. There was a whole thing about Cole having migraines & blackouts, mentioned many times by several characters, that just disappeared after a lot of buildup. 

All that said, however, I didn’t want to put it down till I finished. I don’t know if it’s that the story was engaging enough, warts and all, or if I was just hoping for some kind of redemption, or growth, or something that never quite came.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and some non-rabbit stew).

[Snack-Size Review] Daughter’s Drawings by Nick Botic

Quick Bite: Something bad is going to happen. I know, because the author keeps telling me so.

What It’s About: On a family road trip, Nick’s car is broken into. Nothing is stolen except for his six year old daughter’s artwork. Which by itself is weird, but when the thief starts mailing the pictures back to them with some threatening edits included, it becomes downright terrifying.

A Word From The Nerd: Duckies, this is where it gets tough. Because this story was exceptional in a lot of ways – completely original plot, characters I can relate to, and decent pacing. But the author, in my opinion, shot himself in the foot. Because roughly every other chapter, he plops down a big old chunk of foreshadowing with all the subtlety of a screaming naked man taking a poo in the aisle during a funeral. “It was the last time we would be happy together like that” and “We would never feel safe again” and far too many “if I had known”s to count. Imagine watching a really tense horror movie, but before every jump scare, a narrator announces “The bad guy is going to jump out of a dark corner now.” It completely blunted the impact of a lot of scenes that would otherwise be super intense and shocking. 

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a really great cheeseburger.)

The Girls of Summer, by Katie Bishop

Short Take: The “stuff happening” to “wallowing in feelings” ratio is way off.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Duckies, I have been up all night with some nasty bug, so I’m going to keep this short, and hopefully, not too terribly cranky, but I make no promises on that front.

When Rachel was 17, she and her BFF Caroline took a girls’ trip to Greece, bumming around the islands, and living out the usual BFF dynamic of Pretty Popular Outgoing Girl (Caroline) and Quiet Bookish Sidekick (Rachel). That is, until the girls meet wealthy, worldly, and devastatingly handsome Alistair, who woos Rachel and sweeps her off of her underage feet.

After Alistair and the intensity of that summer, Rachel goes back to the UK, eventually settling into a quiet, respectable life with a dependable, respectable husband.

Needless to say, she’s bored to death. As she begins to reconnect with her roommates from that summer, and Alistair, Rachel starts to realize that everything she thought she knew about what happened back then is not exactly true. As Secrets Are Revealed, Rachel has to find some way to reconcile the horrific truth of that summer with her shiny happy memories.

There’s a kernel of a good story there, but the problem is that we get all of it through Rachel’s perspective, and she’s frankly insufferable. When she’s not drowning in self-pity, she’s busily ignoring the feelings of everyone around her to put all of her energy into her single minded  obsession with Alistair. It could be almost understandable as a 17 year old, but it’s way less cute when she’s in her 30’s.

Even when all of the truth comes out, even when it’s been shoved repeatedly, blatantly in her face that Alistair is [spoiler], even when she’s ostensibly come to accept reality, we still get pages and pages of Rachel’s feelings. It’s repetitive, it’s boring, and so incredibly selfish all the time, every minute, every word, every page. It’s impossible to sympathize with her at all. All I wanted the whole time I was reading was to grab the nearest crowbar and forcibly remove her head from her rear end.

That said, the story itself is pretty good, and the setting is by far the best part of the book.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a good long nap, please.)

What Have We Done, by Alex Finlay

Short Take: Just too much, too choppy, and too over the top.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Hello my beloved nerdlings, and greetings from the land of pain! In a last-ditch effort to rehab my shoddy lungs, I have been putting my chubby self on the treadmill for the last couple of weeks, and will it surprise anyone to know that the experience is, shall we say, less than enjoyable? But fortunately, I live in the time of podcasts and streaming TV, so at least I can bribe my brain with some form of entertainment. 

I still hate it.

But the good thing about bad things is that they are often temporary, right? So when a book isn’t exactly flibbering my giblets, I can usually find a few bits that still work for me. Case in point…

In What Have We Done, five children are in a terrifying state-run home, where girls are hunted by the older boys, and sometimes they disappear. The kids commit a horrific crime, and all swear to secrecy before they go on their different paths.

In the present day, all five are targeted by a shadowy killer, with a strange weapon, an unlimited budget, and seemingly, the ability to be in two places at once. Of course, Dark Secrets Come To Light, and it’s a Deadly Game of Cat and Mouse.

Duckies, I was ready to love this one. I reviewed one of Mr. Finlay’s previous books, Every Last Fear, and I was thrilled when Netgalley approved me for this one. But it just didn’t work for me. The story itself has been done a lot of times, in a lot of ways, and the way it was written (super short chapters, flipping character POV every couple of pages) made it hard to keep everyone straight early on, and to piece together the past events, even when they were finally spelled out.

But for me, the real dealbreaker was the characters. The five lost kids grew up to basically be superheroes – a tech billionaire, a rock star, a federal judge, a TV producer, and (I kid you not) a gorgeous Black Widow-esque highly trained female assassin. Just… what? I won’t give any details about the bad guy, but they are also kind of eye-roll-inducing.

On the plus side, the pace was pretty quick, and some of the action scenes were fun. And as a lifelong WV resident, I appreciated the coal-mine shout-out and lack of stereotypes.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a face-melting power ballad.)

Such Pretty Flowers, by K L Cerra

Short Take: A strong swing, but still a miss.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Hello my beloved nerdlings! I’m running a bit behind at the moment due to real-life Big Stuff, so I’m just going to dive right in, mmmmk?

In Such Pretty Flowers, Holly is at a crossroads in life. Her twin brother, Dane, committed suicide in an incredibly gruesome way, and her best friend-slash-roommate is planning to get married, meaning that Holly will have to find somewhere else to live.

She fixates on the idea that Dane’s fiance, Maura, had something to do with her brother’s suicide, despite the authorities’ ruling that he was suffering from psychosis at the time. Because the night Dane died, he sent Holly a cryptic message about a “game” that Maura wanted to play, and his final message to her read simply “Get it out of me”.

Holly ends up moving into Maura’s luxurious townhouse, despite her misgivings, and of course, Secrets Are Revealed, and darkly seductive Maura is More Than She Seems, leading to a Climactic Confrontation.

Duckies…. I wanted to love this book. I really did, and I really tried. But although the story itself is compelling and original, I was just so frustrated with Holly – her choices were designed to move the plot along, but would be incredibly stupid in the real world. I also felt like many of the twists and reveals were obviously telegraphed (if not explicitly spelled out by the book description). 

Although Ms. Cerra has some great ideas, there are only so many sins that can be covered in lush language and a new kind of supernatural beastie.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a cup of tea, I’ll stick with good old Lipton, thanks.)

The House In The Pines, by Ana Reyes

Short Take: A lot of buildup, leading to not much.

(*I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*)

Greetings, duckies, and Happy New Year! There are a lot of things I would like to accomplish this year, but I’ve learned over the last few decades that it’s better to just try to do a little better every day than to set myself up for larger-scale failure down the road. Of course, I want to read a lot more tasty books, and share my brilliant insights with the world, so let’s start with that one, shall we?

When Maya was a newly-graduated seventeen year old, she fell head over heels for slightly older Frank. He was sweet, slightly geeky, and building his own cabin on family property. It was all sunshine and roses, until Maya’s best friend Aubrey dropped dead while talking with Frank.

After Aubrey’s death was ruled as “probably just some freaky medical thing” (I’m paraphrasing), Maya moved away and moved on with her life. Until seven years later, when she comes across a youtube video of a young woman talking to Frank in a diner… and falling down dead. 

Of course, Maya has to return home to Uncover Secrets From Her Past. Of course Nothing Is What It Seems. And of course Frank has Dark Secrets of his own.

Nerdlings, there was a lot of love about this book. First off, Maya is going through withdrawal from her prescribed Klonopin, and I think that’s a subject we need to address more as a society. Also, there are some delicious passages dealing with a little-known myth, and some fascinating bits of life in Guatemala 20-some years ago.

But for all the yummy bits and pieces, the ending fell flat on its metaphorical face. There were a lot of threads that sort of came together and then a kind of weak, kind-of happy non-ending. I came away feeling like the author couldn’t settle on a super cool finale, so she just shrugged & let it be over. 

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a full-size Snickers. Because now I need something genuinely satisfying.)

[Snack-Size Review] The Wasp Factory, by Iain Banks

Quick Bite: I don’t know which is bigger – my love for the strangeness, or my disgust at the animal torture.

What It’s About: On a remote island in Scotland, 17-year-old Frank lives a life of mostly solitude. His father, a former hippy/mad scientist is brilliant but distant, and his brother Eric has been confined to a mental institution for years. But when Eric escapes, Frank’s carefully structured life (of bomb-making, the aforementioned animal torture, and the occasional homicide) begins to unravel.

A Word From The Nerd: Duckies, this is a tough one. Because we spend the entire book in Frank’s mind, and it’s a truly terrible place. I don’t want to keep bringing up the animal stuff, but it’s impossible not to – it’s a large chunk of the story. But at the same time, it has a kind of hallucinogenic, dreamlike quality that’s somehow compelling enough to almost override the ickier parts. (Almost.) And that final twist was absolutely devastating.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and some extra loves and treats for Jonesy the dog.)

[Snack-Size Review] Somebody’s Home, by Kaira Rouda

Quick Bite: Always, ALWAYS read the fine print!

What It’s About: When Julie Jones buys a quiet country home for herself and her daughter Jess, she is so excited about the possibilities of a new life that she overlooks the one teensy little problem with the place. The previous owner’s son, Tom Dean, lives in the carriage house, and although he’s supposed to move out in a couple of days, he has other plans. And oopsie, he’s also filled with hatred, hanging with a violent gang, and fixated on Jess. What could go wrong?

A Word From The Nerd: I’ve read and loved a few other of Ms. Rouda’s books, and although this one wasn’t exactly BAD, it just didn’t hit the same for me. The male characters are all caricatures (the soulless billionaire, the corrupt religious leader, the incel), and the women were just, well… kind of dumb. Wouldn’t the wife of a gazillionaire real estate mogul have some idea of what’s acceptable and not when purchasing real estate? Wouldn’t Nazi symbols gross out even a rich kid? It all just felt a little too forced.

The Nerd’s Rating: THREE HAPPY NEURONS (and a nap, these colder days are killing all motivation).